Relationships are hard work. There are so many different issues that can arise when planning to be with someone. This becomes even more difficult when people have different belief systems. People can differ when it comes to religious beliefs, views on raising children, values, and desired lifestyles. In your day-to-day life, it is easier to try to ignore the differences you share with your partner than constantly confront them. Unfortunately, the relationship gets even more complicated the longer these issues fester without discussing them with your partner.
Here are five tools you can use to help you navigate these differences with your partner:
- Be clear. One person’s definition of Catholicism might be different from their partner’s, or one partner might want to raise their kids a certain way. Don’t leave things open for interpretation with your partner. Be clear that being Catholic means going to mass every Sunday or be clear that you want to enroll your child in music lessons until they are 18. Most importantly, think about the “why” behind your desires and be sure to express this. This will help your partner understand your desires more fully and avoid a negotiation based on black and white positions.
- Experiment. Be open to learning more about your partner’s beliefs. If you share different faiths, go to their place of worship with them. Remember that experimentation and exposure is not a promise to convert to their beliefs but a chance to understand their viewpoints better. This is applicable to more than just religious differences. If you come from different cultures, it is important to expose your partner to your traditions and practices. Sharing your experience with them will help them to get more comfortable and allow them to be more understanding of your perspectives/wishes.
- Prioritize each other’s desires. Try your best to make their priorities your priorities as well. If it is super important to your partner that you go to a 7 am breakfast with their family, make it a priority (even if you like to sleep in on the weekends. Don’t make up excuses. Just go and embrace it. Show your partner that you both are a team regardless of the differences you share.
- Find the humor. Don’t take yourself too seriously. It is very easy to get caught up in the stress of it all. Remember that it is okay to joke with your partner about their beliefs and practices. Tease them (within reason of course). Find the humor in your situation. Laughing with your partner will help to ease the stress of your differences. A little playful banter can help make these topics easier to discuss in the long run.
- Find the balance. Talk about everything. Lay out your non-negotiables and discuss the topics you have some flexibility with. Be clear and be specific about what you want. Explain your boundaries to your partner. Find a way to compromise and meet in the middle. Put in a valid effort, the same effort you would want them to give to you. Embrace your differences and make it a strength through active communication and listening. You will not be able to get everything you want and neither will they. Finding a happy medium will make your relationship more successful.
If you enjoyed learning about tips to navigate different belief systems in your relationship, check out our other posts about communication and difficult conversations. If you are interested in learning more about navigating complex relationships in a constructive and healthy way, contact Greg Murray at greg@adaptiveedgecoaching.com.